NBA SIMS LEAGUE Power Ranking - Weapons and Killers PR
| Rank | Rating | Team | Record | Comment | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
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1 (2) | 98 | LAL |  |
11-1 LAL 118, Utah 125 L LAL 115, Det 94 W Por 90, LAL 111 W LAL 122, GS 102 W LAL 130, Pho 111 W LAL 117, OKC 110 W Sac 111, LAL 124 W Den 108, LAL 115 W NY 88, LAL 108 W LAL 112, Sac 106 W LAL 112, Hou 100 W Bkn 102, LAL 118 W |
Flame thrower- The Lakers are back and torching anything in their path. With scorers and breakout stars in every position someone is bound to catch fire. It's the worst nightmare of the onlooking victum hearing the roar and feeling the heat of the incoming demise. Leonard still set to return means a firestorm is coming in the playoffs. |
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2 (1) | 98 | Phi |  |
11-1 Tor 107, Phi 114 W Phi 121, Por 98 W Min 94, Phi 114 W Ind 120, Phi 127 W Phi 111, NO 116 L Mia 106, Phi 113 W Phi 117, Orl 107 W Phi 117, Mil 109 W Phi 120, Cle 102 W Phi 120, Was 107 W Det 96, Phi 121 W Mem 115, Phi 121 W |
Mini-Gun- A fast-paced automatic gun that fires off multiple rounds in a second, the 76ers operate that way on the offensive end. It seems over the past few weeks since trading big men away they have found an identity and they're gunning down big name teams all over the place. George and Jalen Green are the ammunition while Adams and Draymond and the sturdy base which makes this team an accurate and efficient killer. |
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3 (6) | 84 | Mem |  |
10-3 Mem 106, Bkn 85 W OKC 120, Mem 116 L Mil 112, Mem 103 L Mem 96, Ind 95 W Dal 99, Mem 105 W Mem 112, Hou 98 W Mem 110, SA 102 W Mem 111, Min 94 W Cha 107, Mem 109 W Pho 106, Mem 113 W Mem 115, Phi 121 L LAC 87, Mem 108 W Sac 102, Mem 104 W |
Elevator- Ever seen one of those movies where someone gets stuck in an elevator? Or the action sequence in Star Wars where the Star Destroyer is going down and Anakin and Obi Won nearly get taken out by the free falling Elevator Car? Memphis take out their victim in similar fashion. They can strangle and suffocate their stuck opponent or hit them at full speed in a bloody affair. One thing is certain, they have been a little up and down this season. Watch out for them in the play-in. |
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4 (11) | 83 | Mil |  |
10-2 Mil 104, Min 86 W Mil 112, Mem 103 W Was 105, Mil 112 W Cha 109, Mil 105 L Det 110, Mil 114 W Mil 107, Ind 93 W Min 104, Mil 109 W Phi 117, Mil 109 L Mil 121, Tor 119 W Mil 121, NO 118 W Chi 88, Mil 103 W Mil 106, Bos 92 W |
Nuke- Milwaukee are armed with a nuclear warhead in SGA and will likely be holding the league hostage with their WMD's for the next 5-10 years. Ethan hasn't retired on his inheritance and has been busy adding to the arsenal of the defending champion's roster, is it finally time for this GM to dominate the NSL world? |
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5 (10) | 75 | Cle |  |
9-4 Cle 103, Sac 105 L Cle 124, Hou 120 W Cle 119, Was 114 W Orl 96, Cle 104 W Bkn 101, Cle 103 W Cha 117, Cle 111 L Chi 97, Cle 116 W Cle 131, NY 109 W Phi 120, Cle 102 L Cle 116, Cha 102 W Was 112, Cle 119 W Cle 106, Min 112 L Cle 115, Orl 96 W |
Conrete Boots- If you get invited onto Sham's luxurious yaught, decline the invitation. You will be wined, dined and treated fine. Before you know it, you will be swimming with the fishes like a character from the Sopranos. Anchoring this killer is one of the best in the business Andre Drummond who will drag the opponent to the Ocean Floor and leave them lifeless. Not a team to be messed with, capeesh! |
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6 (5) | 69 | OKC |  |
8-3 OKC 120, Mem 116 W LAC 101, OKC 119 W Den 105, OKC 124 W OKC 114, Min 90 W LAL 117, OKC 110 L OKC 110, Cha 105 W Tor 89, OKC 106 W OKC 99, GS 116 L OKC 114, Dal 119 L Pho 106, OKC 115 W Ind 102, OKC 104 W |
Dual Swords- Like Leonardo from the Ninja Tutles GM James likes to do his work with two swords, no shield. The sharpness of Trey Young and Anthony Edwards is devastating against almost every opponent. All out attack is their game and they will slice and dice their way through the regular season and likely deep into the post season. |
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7 (4) | 66 | Ind |  |
8-5 Mem 96, Ind 95 L Ind 122, Utah 99 W Ind 120, Phi 127 L Bos 98, Ind 104 W Mil 107, Ind 93 L Dal 105, Ind 115 W Ind 118, Pho 98 W Ind 114, Den 109 W Ind 112, Det 97 W Atl 101, Ind 106 W Was 127, Ind 111 L Det 104, Ind 111 W Ind 102, OKC 104 L |
Death Threats- We've all heard the cries "Indy are coming" from flamboyant GM Yeet but have they ever actually arrived? Not yet. Much like the murderer from I know what you did last summer, Yeet incorporates the psychological element when it comes to his victims. He makes them imagine the absolute worst case then when reality strikes, a quick death isn't actually so bad. I wonder what he will do this summer. |
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8 (18) | 65 | GS |  |
8-4 NO 115, GS 101 L Pho 103, GS 108 W LAL 122, GS 102 L GS 111, SA 105 W Dal 103, GS 111 W GS 112, Sac 115 L GS 100, Chi 109 L GS 115, Bos 108 W OKC 99, GS 116 W GS 121, Det 116 W Por 94, GS 113 W Pho 108, GS 115 W |
Poole Noodle- A play on words with their star player, the murder weapon the Warriors have used is a (Jordan) Poole Noodle. The humble pool noodle makes for a handy floatation device by the swimming pool that can be damaging if used correctly (much like the Poole/Monk combo). With the ability to strangle and drown the opponent it makes for an efficient murder weapon. |
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9 (16) | 65 | Mia |  |
8-4 Sac 107, Mia 98 L Mia 91, Orl 90 W Mia 110, Was 102 W Mia 113, Det 90 W LAC 92, Mia 113 W Mia 109, Pho 96 W NO 118, Mia 112 L Mia 106, Phi 113 L Hou 100, Mia 125 W Atl 107, Mia 111 W Mia 92, SA 118 L Mia 101, Bos 98 W |
Battle Axe Big, heavy and devestating in hand to hand combat GM Pistol swings the Battle Axe to great effect. The combination of strength and size makes this weapon feared on the battlefield. The can be exploited by swift moving opponents who can cut through the defenses but if not timed well a mangled corpse will be left behind. |
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10 (9) | 55 | Hou |  |
7-5 Por 105, Hou 120 W Cle 124, Hou 120 L Bos 111, Hou 118 W Hou 115, NO 106 W Hou 108, Den 121 L Utah 100, Hou 113 W Sac 104, Hou 109 W Mem 112, Hou 98 L Hou 100, Mia 125 L LAL 112, Hou 100 L Hou 121, Chi 116 W Atl 99, Hou 111 W |
Food Poisoning- A bit like the hidden camera footage from the 6th Sense, GM Vitty gets his foe when they're unsuspecting with their guard down. A delicious meal with a strange after-taste could be a sign that you're about to be the next victim. He moves subtly and is clever in his calculations which means he's often not the most suspected killer. Make no mistake, he is dangerous. |
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11 (8) | 55 | NO |  |
7-5 NO 115, GS 101 W SA 105, NO 99 L NO 105, Utah 97 W Hou 115, NO 106 L Phi 111, NO 116 W Was 133, NO 137 W NO 118, Mia 112 W NO 123, SA 115 W Bos 109, NO 116 W Mil 121, NO 118 L Den 114, NO 107 L NO 98, Tor 106 L |
Hand Grenade- Often threatening to blow it up, GM Leeroy does his killing with the humble and messy hand grenade. At best, they're incredibly destructive and able to wipe out quantities of victims, while destroying the morale of the bystanders. At worst, they can self-destruct and blow up in the hand of the killer. Leeroy hasn't had a lot of luck this season but a decent spot in the standings and a loaded roster should have him ready to explode come playoff time. |
| 12 (12) | 54 | Cha |  |
7-6 Cha 101, Sac 104 L Cha 100, Bkn 93 W Cha 109, Mil 105 W Utah 109, Cha 115 W Cha 131, Was 140 L NY 95, Cha 110 W Cha 117, Cle 111 W OKC 110, Cha 105 L Cha 107, Mem 109 L Cha 103, NY 89 W Cle 116, Cha 102 L Orl 108, Cha 117 W Bos 107, Cha 90 L |
Miltary Drone- This team and GM are into advanced warfare. They are tactical, deadly and really hard to stop. This team is hovering above the pack gunning down from the skies with Towns, Ja and Demar peppering from all angles. I really like their chances this season. | |
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13 (22) | 50 | Min |  |
7-5 Mil 104, Min 86 L Min 94, Phi 114 L Dal 95, Min 97 W Atl 108, Min 109 W OKC 114, Min 90 L Den 105, Min 106 W Mem 111, Min 94 L Min 104, Mil 109 L SA 111, Min 118 W Min 122, Tor 115 W Min 109, LAC 99 W Cle 106, Min 112 W |
Shotgun- Maximum damage will be caused when you let them up close and personal. Jimmy and AD offer elite inside scoring and obliterate all the opponents on a night-to-night basis. Sometimes it can look messy when someone stands in front of Minny who are one of the best teams in the league this season. |
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14 (13) | 49 | Tor |  |
6-6 Tor 120, LAC 100 W Tor 107, Phi 114 L Den 109, Tor 116 W SA 96, Tor 115 W Tor 99, Dal 106 L Bos 112, Tor 110 L Utah 113, Tor 118 W Tor 89, OKC 106 L Mil 121, Tor 119 L Tor 110, Chi 101 W Min 122, Tor 115 L NO 98, Tor 106 W |
Sniper Rifle- If there's a weapon that IS Steph Curry it's the good old sniper rifle. He's been trigger happy this season but has become more consistent at picking his spots in recent weeks. GM Dylan is biding his time this season, patient with his finger on the trigger. When will he squeeze next? |
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15 (3) | 48 | Chi |  |
6-7 Chi 97, Atl 104 L Det 100, Chi 93 L NY 89, Chi 108 W Chi 102, Por 106 L Dal 80, Chi 91 W Bkn 108, Chi 121 W GS 100, Chi 109 W Chi 121, Det 112 W Chi 97, Cle 116 L Tor 110, Chi 101 L Chi 107, Dal 92 W Hou 121, Chi 116 L Chi 88, Mil 103 L |
Battleship- This team was cruising through open waters earlier in the season. The have multiple ways to win a battle, can deploy jets to strike inland targets, can fire missiles and have a huge cannon (Lamello Ball) that can sink any destoryer in their path. They're one of the heavy movers this season and should be feared. |
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16 (7) | 47 | Sac |  |
6-6 Sac 107, Mia 98 W Cha 101, Sac 104 W Cle 103, Sac 105 W NY 95, Sac 101 W GS 112, Sac 115 W Sac 104, Hou 109 L Sac 111, LAL 124 L LAC 120, Sac 108 L Utah 119, Sac 105 L LAL 112, Sac 106 L Sac 102, Mem 104 L Sac 120, NY 95 W |
The Longbow- Incredible range had the Longbow, which was the technological advancement that saw Britain rise to power in the 14th century. It takes great strength and skill to use effectively, which is what GM Klemm has shown in previous weeks, the league is looking wondering if this technology is still effective or outdated. |
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17 (21) | 47 | Utah |  |
6-7 NO 105, Utah 97 L LAL 118, Utah 125 W Ind 122, Utah 99 L Utah 109, Cha 115 L Utah 116, Bos 106 W Utah 100, Hou 113 L Utah 111, Atl 116 L Utah 113, Tor 118 L Por 92, Utah 124 W Utah 119, Sac 105 W Por 103, Utah 114 W Utah 108, Den 101 W Utah 107, Pho 111 L |
The 5 Palm Exploding Heart (Kill Bill) Utah are a walking kill-move with 5 parts required to fatally injure their victim. Embiid, Harden, Daniels, Porzingis and Wagner combine to explode the hearts of their opponents when used effectively. With one of the keys likely sitting for the season, it might be the heart of the Utah fans that ends up broken in the post-season. |
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18 (19) | 46 | Atl |  |
6-6 Atl 101, Orl 92 W Chi 97, Atl 104 W Atl 108, Min 109 L Atl 103, Dal 92 W Det 104, Atl 100 L Utah 111, Atl 116 W Atl 115, Was 114 W Orl 110, Atl 113 W Atl 107, Mia 111 L Dal 105, Atl 101 L Atl 101, Ind 106 L Atl 99, Hou 111 L |
Crossbow- Good medium sized weapon that can kill from range, the Crossbow was the French weapon of choice in medieval times. Many battles were won by peppering the opponent from distance with this portable, monoeverable and relative quick weapon. The Hawks are able to claim victory but might need some more advanced technology to compete with the big boys this season. The draft might bring an upgrade. |
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19 (15) | 40 | Was |  |
5-7 Mia 110, Was 102 L Was 105, Mil 112 L Cle 119, Was 114 L Cha 131, Was 140 W SA 111, Was 113 W Was 133, NO 137 L Atl 115, Was 114 L Was 110, Det 96 W Phi 120, Was 107 L Was 112, Cle 119 L Was 127, Ind 111 W Orl 102, Was 117 W |
Sword and Shield- A duo as old as time (much like Lebron James) the Sword and Shield was the medieval combo of choice. Good for killing and good for surviving as long as the back isn't turned. GM Jason is never one to be affraid of a fight and has front up to every opponent this season, will the old faithful Lebron / Booker be enough to get a maiden title? |
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20 (14) | 39 | Den |  |
5-7 Den 109, Tor 116 L Bkn 97, Den 112 W Den 105, Pho 109 L Den 105, OKC 124 L Hou 108, Den 121 W Den 105, Min 106 L Den 108, LAL 115 L Ind 114, Den 109 L Den 141, Por 137 W Den 114, NO 107 W LAC 112, Den 123 W Utah 108, Den 101 L |
A rifle- Reliable, deadly and accurate the rifle always fires and shot. Denver are in the mix this season and have a really, really good roster. They're not the deadliest but they're dangerous for sure. |
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21 (20) | 36 | Pho |  |
5-8 Pho 112, NY 87 W Den 105, Pho 109 W Pho 103, GS 108 L SA 96, Pho 103 W LAL 130, Pho 111 L Mia 109, Pho 96 L Ind 118, Pho 98 L Pho 113, Por 100 W Pho 106, Mem 113 L Pho 106, OKC 115 L Pho 108, GS 115 L SA 114, Pho 106 L Utah 107, Pho 111 W |
The Golden Gun- A bit of a gun himself, GM Laddas is always on the lookout for the ultimate weapon and killer combinations. The Golden Gun from James Bond is a guarranteed one shot kill and is dangerous in the hands of the wrong man. Dame Lillard is his weapon and he has been unleashed this season. Laddas will not stop until he has all the right pieces around him. Watch out. |
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22 (27) | 35 | Bkn |  |
5-8 Mem 106, Bkn 85 L Det 110, Bkn 94 L Bkn 97, Den 112 L Bkn 95, NY 102 L Cha 100, Bkn 93 L Bkn 108, Chi 121 L Bkn 101, Cle 103 L Orl 103, Bkn 112 W LAC 115, Bkn 119 W Det 122, Bkn 130 W Bkn 116, Orl 98 W Bkn 112, NY 96 W Bkn 102, LAL 118 L |
Catapult- The Catapult is dangerous from long range and can be incredibly destructive. They can take a while to load and require a lot of work to get going but if used effectively they will leave destruction behind. GM Breece is putting it all in the bucket and loading up for the backend of this season, I wonder whether he breaks through the wall! |
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23 (17) | 30 | Bos |  |
4-8 Bos 111, LAC 96 W Bos 111, Hou 118 L Bos 98, Ind 104 L Utah 116, Bos 106 L Bos 111, Por 80 W Bos 112, Tor 110 W Bos 113, Orl 117 L GS 115, Bos 108 L Bos 109, NO 116 L Bos 107, Cha 90 W Mia 101, Bos 98 L Mil 106, Bos 92 L |
The Booby Trap- The Celtics are a patient killer that waits and waits until the opponent makes a fatal error and *boom* trapped. Sometimes they can be a hole in the ground, sometimes they can been a boulder rolling after the panicked victim, I wonder which version we will see in the post-season. |
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24 (26) | 29 | SA |  |
4-8 SA 105, NO 99 W SA 96, Tor 115 L GS 111, SA 105 L SA 96, Pho 103 L SA 111, Was 113 L SA 99, Dal 109 L Mem 110, SA 102 L NO 123, SA 115 L SA 111, Min 118 L Mia 92, SA 118 W SA 114, Pho 106 W Dal 108, SA 116 W |
Boomerang- An Australian hunting weapon used to disable and kill fast moving prey. To use effectively the hunter throws the boomerang and awaits it to return through the air in a long circular path. If not used effectively, it can cause great harm to the user and all things around. The Spurs have hit, missed and been hit this season, proving they're not as skilled a hunter as they once were. |
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25 (28) | 27 | Dal |  |
4-8 Dal 95, Min 97 L Dal 99, Mem 105 L Atl 103, Dal 92 L Dal 80, Chi 91 L Dal 103, GS 111 L Tor 99, Dal 106 W SA 99, Dal 109 W Dal 105, Ind 115 L OKC 114, Dal 119 W Dal 105, Atl 101 W Chi 107, Dal 92 L Dal 108, SA 116 L |
Karate Spin Kick- Sometimes we all need a kick to the head and that's exactly what you're gonna get if you DM LJ. One minute you'll be making a trade offer, the next he'll spin around and you'll lose all concept of reality- brain hurting, vision gone. In real time it looks incredible and, while not deadly, it's poetry in motion when used in combat. |
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26 (23) | 12 | Det |  |
3-10 Det 110, Bkn 94 W LAL 115, Det 94 L Mia 113, Det 90 L Det 100, Chi 93 W Det 104, Atl 100 W Det 110, Mil 114 L Chi 121, Det 112 L Ind 112, Det 97 L Was 110, Det 96 L GS 121, Det 116 L Det 96, Phi 121 L Det 122, Bkn 130 L Det 104, Ind 111 L |
Revolver- Deadly in the hands of a skilled marksman which is this man Sheed, the wildest in the East. While this isn't the most dangerous version of the Pistons, they are to be feared. On the right night they can slay almost any enemy with their fast hands and range. Brunson is their Sherrif badge (star) and they're always able to take down an outlaw. |
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27 (25) | 10 | Por |  |
3-9 Phi 121, Por 98 L Por 105, Hou 120 L Por 90, LAL 111 L Chi 102, Por 106 W Bos 111, Por 80 L Por 92, Utah 124 L Por 116, NY 102 W Pho 113, Por 100 L Den 141, Por 137 L LAC 107, Por 122 W Por 94, GS 113 L Por 103, Utah 114 L |
Coercion- Who says a murder weapon needs to be a physical tool? This mastermind has been killing the league for years and somehow keeps getting away with it. While the Blazers aren't at the top of this list, they're plotting and scheming and will almost certainly be back up there in a short period of time after going into hiding this season. Who knows who the next victim will be and who knows who will pull the trigger, but once the full story is told we will probably find out the Blazers had a hand in it. |
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28 (24) | 8 | Orl |  |
2-10 Atl 101, Orl 92 L LAC 94, Orl 102 W Mia 91, Orl 90 L Orl 96, Cle 104 L Bos 113, Orl 117 W Orl 103, Bkn 112 L Phi 117, Orl 107 L Orl 110, Atl 113 L Orl 108, Cha 117 L Bkn 116, Orl 98 L Cle 115, Orl 96 L Orl 102, Was 117 L |
The trusty old baseball bat- Not the deadliest weapon but can absolutely get the job done. We know what to expect from Mailo's squad, they'll always put forward their best and try to overcome their victim though they are sometimes overpowered by heavier artillery. There's no doubt they've left a few gms with concussion over the years, and this season with a fully healthy Kyrie swinging for the fences. |
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29 (30) | 1 | NY |  |
2-10 Pho 112, NY 87 L Bkn 95, NY 102 W NY 89, Chi 108 L NY 95, Sac 101 L NY 116, LAC 98 W NY 95, Cha 110 L Por 116, NY 102 L Cle 131, NY 109 L Cha 103, NY 89 L NY 88, LAL 108 L Bkn 112, NY 96 L Sac 120, NY 95 L |
Burried Alive- Knicks fan's hopes for this season might be deep underground but Smokey's backyard is filled with potentially uncovered victims. Not the most explosive, messy or glamorous way to get things done, they are patient, organised and not one to be caught in the act. He will be back in the mix soon, I wonder if he will give away his motive or any secrets. |
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30 (29) | -7 | LAC |  |
1-11 Tor 120, LAC 100 L LAC 94, Orl 102 L Bos 111, LAC 96 L LAC 101, OKC 119 L NY 116, LAC 98 L LAC 92, Mia 113 L LAC 120, Sac 108 W LAC 115, Bkn 119 L LAC 107, Por 122 L Min 109, LAC 99 L LAC 87, Mem 108 L LAC 112, Den 123 L |
Banana Peel- Mostly ineffective when it comes to taking a life, the banana skin is only effective in fast paced environments. Unfortunately the Clippers have been running a slow-burn with their team build hence they're positioning on the PR. They have the potential to be damaging but rely too much on their opponent's mistakes, like a race cart slipping on a banana skin. Hopefully next season is more friutful for the slow-building Clippers. |
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