1 (2)Rating 41Childhood Reference: Monopoly’s Mayfair. Milwaukee feels like landing on Mayfair with a hotel—expensive, inevitable, and you’re basically done if you land there. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander is the banker who never runs out of money (or buckets), making everyone else question why they ever agreed to play. Be careful when you land on Mayfair - likewise the Bucks. Catch them in a game week at your own peril!
Pho 92, Mil 120 W
Det 101, Mil 129 W
Orl 104, Mil 118 W
Mil 142, Bos 117 W
Pho 92, Mil 120 W
Det 101, Mil 129 WOrl 104, Mil 118 W
Mil 142, Bos 117 W
Pho 92, Mil 120 W
Det 101, Mil 129 W
Orl 104, Mil 118 W
Mil 142, Bos 117 W 2 (4)Rating 40 Childhood Reference: The Kid Who Found the “Cheat Codes†in PlayStation Magazine. Every neighbourhood had that one kid who discovered some bizarre loophole: “If I jump off the slide and land on the mulch, that counts as 5 points.†That’s Cleveland right now. Stephen Curry is basically entering the Konami Code at the start of every game — threes are worth more, space bends around him, and defenders look like NPCs stuck on easy mode. Week 1 felt less like basketball and more like watching someone play with hacks on. That feeling when you pressed a sequence of buttons, and all of a sudden had the ultimate leg-up; that's the Cavs right now. Playing in their own world, and setting up a sublime 25-26, 4-0 is a perfect setup. "Did you know if you type ROSEBUD in, you get 1,000 dollars!?"
Orl 109, Cle 128 W
Cle 140, Pho 114 W
Cle 131, Was 96 W
Bos 119, Cle 126 W
Orl 109, Cle 128 W
Cle 140, Pho 114 WCle 131, Was 96 W
Bos 119, Cle 126 W
Orl 109, Cle 128 W
Cle 140, Pho 114 W
Cle 131, Was 96 W
Bos 119, Cle 126 W 3 (22)Rating 38 Childhood Reference: The last Beyblade standing. The Knicks are spinning like a Durant-bladed Beyblade, slicing through opponents and refusing to slow down. Once KD launches, everyone else just watches their tops fly out of the ring. They made all the moves to be the best in the ring, and have launched their opponents flying in Week 1. The All-In Knicks look scary!
GS 85, NY 114 W
NY 119, Den 100 W
NY 116, Tor 102 W
Chi 124, NY 131 W
GS 85, NY 114 W
NY 119, Den 100 WNY 116, Tor 102 W
Chi 124, NY 131 W
GS 85, NY 114 W
NY 119, Den 100 W
NY 116, Tor 102 W
Chi 124, NY 131 W 4 (5)Rating 33 Childhood Reference: That unfair kid who grew too early. The Lakers are the giant Grade-6er in a Grade-4 league. Victor Wembanyama is blocking shots like he’s swatting foam rockets out of the sky. IS this legal!? He has a beard at 8 years old!? The Lakers can hurt you with all their weaponery, and with the glitch code that is Wemby, they will have you whining that genetics wasn't as kind to you!
Dal 119, LAL 110 L
Utah 93, LAL 127 W
Min 102, LAL 120 W
LAL 127, GS 80 W
Dal 119, LAL 110 L
Utah 93, LAL 127 WMin 102, LAL 120 W
LAL 127, GS 80 W
Dal 119, LAL 110 L
Utah 93, LAL 127 W
Min 102, LAL 120 W
LAL 127, GS 80 W 5 (12)Rating 31 Childhood Reference: Mario Kart’s Rainbow Road. Impossible to guard, impossible to predict. Giannis Antetokounmpo is basically running on Rainbow Road with a mushroom boost—good luck catching him, or staying on the track. The Spurs have the ? boxes perfectly lined up at the moment, and they have shown no signs of slowing. The depth has grown and been given a boost or two in the rating upgrades. Does anyone have a turtle shell to fire to slow this bruiser down?
SA 135, Phi 101 W
Tor 102, SA 124 W
Mem 90, SA 117 W
SA 111, Ind 118 L
SA 135, Phi 101 W
Tor 102, SA 124 WMem 90, SA 117 W
SA 111, Ind 118 L
SA 135, Phi 101 W
Tor 102, SA 124 W
Mem 90, SA 117 W
SA 111, Ind 118 L 6 (19)Rating 30 Childhood Reference: Build-A-Bear—But You Added All the Accessories. Chicago just keeps adding parts: Aaron Gordon dunking like the bear has jetpacks, while injured LaMelo is the accessory they paid extra for but can’t actually use yet. The Bulls have it all at the moment, and the voice box says "I'm gonna kill you!"
Cha 84, Chi 118 W
Chi 112, Det 85 W
Was 121, Chi 122 W
Chi 124, NY 131 L
Cha 84, Chi 118 W
Chi 112, Det 85 WWas 121, Chi 122 W
Chi 124, NY 131 L
Cha 84, Chi 118 W
Chi 112, Det 85 W
Was 121, Chi 122 W
Chi 124, NY 131 L 
7 (1)Rating 28Childhood Reference: The “First Pick†Kid. You know the kid everyone wanted first? That’s Anthony Edwards, sprinting past defenders like it’s recess and he never runs out of energy. OKC have the league on notice, and much like that kid everyone wanted on their team, they continue to captivate their opponents, and annoy them.
OKC 121, Hou 103 W
Bos 93, OKC 127 W
Was 114, OKC 122 W
OKC 88, Por 115 L
OKC 121, Hou 103 W
Bos 93, OKC 127 WWas 114, OKC 122 W
OKC 88, Por 115 L
OKC 121, Hou 103 W
Bos 93, OKC 127 W
Was 114, OKC 122 W
OKC 88, Por 115 L 8 (30)Rating 26 Childhood Reference: The surprise UNO +4. No one saw this coming. Dallas drops a +4 Wild Card on the table thanks to De’Andre Hunter, and suddenly everyone is looking around confused. Casual play for many in the league has been the perfect set-up for the Mavericks. While the league patiently waited their turn, Dallas were readying their assault - "Pick up..." LJ calmly spoke.
Dal 119, LAL 110 W
Cha 116, Dal 106 L
Dal 101, Det 75 W
Dal 105, Por 85 W
Dal 119, LAL 110 W
Cha 116, Dal 106 LDal 101, Det 75 W
Dal 105, Por 85 W
Dal 119, LAL 110 W
Cha 116, Dal 106 L
Dal 101, Det 75 W
Dal 105, Por 85 W 9 (21)Rating 24 Childhood Reference: The kid with the giant LEGO castle. You spend weeks building something that big. Nikola Jokić plays like the kid who not only built it—he drew blueprints first. The Rockets have Maxey and Jokic laying their groundwork of something special, especially with no Haliburton. How did he make it!? There are no instructions. He'll never tell.
OKC 121, Hou 103 L
Hou 124, Pho 121 W
Hou 141, Den 118 W
Hou 116, Ind 107 W
OKC 121, Hou 103 L
Hou 124, Pho 121 WHou 141, Den 118 W
Hou 116, Ind 107 W
OKC 121, Hou 103 L
Hou 124, Pho 121 W
Hou 141, Den 118 W
Hou 116, Ind 107 W 10 (26)Rating 23 Childhood Reference: The dodgeball sniper.Memphis is that kid in dodgeball who never misses. Jaylen Brown is throwing heaters from the back line and daring you to get closer. Almost like he can read the ball in the air, the Dodgeball kid, ellusive and calm springs out from the crowd - ethereal! Memphis have started strong, and have plenty of balls (young rookies) in reserve ready to fire.
Sac 100, Mem 108 W
Mem 130, Was 115 W
Mem 90, SA 117 L
Mem 110, Bkn 103 W
Sac 100, Mem 108 W
Mem 130, Was 115 WMem 90, SA 117 L
Mem 110, Bkn 103 W
Sac 100, Mem 108 W
Mem 130, Was 115 W
Mem 90, SA 117 L
Mem 110, Bkn 103 W 11 (27)Rating 20 Childhood Reference: The prodigy with the Pokémon cards. Everyone else has normal cards—Cooper Flagg shows up with a holographic Charizard and instantly becomes ROTY without even battling. The prodigy somehow unearthed the most lucrative cards, so too did the Portland Trailblazer. Did he open one pack or 30? Whatever the lore surrounding his deck, it is terrifying... and only just the beginning. "Hey, wanna duel!?" JMac craftily offered.
Por 122, Min 81 W
Por 105, NO 107 L
Dal 105, Por 85 L
OKC 88, Por 115 W
Por 122, Min 81 W
Por 105, NO 107 LDal 105, Por 85 L
OKC 88, Por 115 W
Por 122, Min 81 W
Por 105, NO 107 L
Dal 105, Por 85 L
OKC 88, Por 115 W 12 (15)Rating 16 Childhood Reference: Choose Your Own Adventure Book. Sometimes you succeed, sometimes you fall into a pit. Cade Cunningham is the brave hero making the choices for everyone else. Indiana started the journey like a knight with all the specs levelled up for the season, and Week 1 dented that armour as quickly as it was equipped. Will Indiana choose the right path? Turn to page 189 to find out!
Ind 99, Det 120 L
Utah 88, Ind 108 W
SA 111, Ind 118 W
Hou 116, Ind 107 L
Ind 99, Det 120 L
Utah 88, Ind 108 WSA 111, Ind 118 W
Hou 116, Ind 107 L
Ind 99, Det 120 L
Utah 88, Ind 108 W
SA 111, Ind 118 W
Hou 116, Ind 107 L 13 (8)Rating 16 Childhood Reference: The kid who coloured inside the lines perfectly.
Miami is neat, efficient, and quietly talented. Lauri Markkanen is that super-tidy kid who always got compliments from the art teacher. Not wanting to put a step wrong, the Miami Heat and PistolPK have started with the measure you would expect. Is it too aligned? Is it needing some mix-up? It certainly looks pretty - A+ for aesthetics!
Mia 103, Cha 112 L
Den 128, Mia 117 L
Mia 120, Atl 113 W
Mia 107, LAC 85 W
Mia 103, Cha 112 L
Den 128, Mia 117 LMia 120, Atl 113 W
Mia 107, LAC 85 W
Mia 103, Cha 112 L
Den 128, Mia 117 L
Mia 120, Atl 113 W
Mia 107, LAC 85 W 14 (6)Rating 15 Childhood Reference: Hot Wheels loop-the-loop track.
Wild, inconsistent, fun. Donovan Mitchell is zooming through the loop hoping he doesn’t fly off the track again. Everyone wanted one, and Denver has it! Fun and versatile, the Nuggets are exciting! But Week 1 wasn't the glowing beginning for a team craving a winning record!
Sac 95, Den 109 W
NY 119, Den 100 L
Den 128, Mia 117 W
Hou 141, Den 118 L
Sac 95, Den 109 W
NY 119, Den 100 LDen 128, Mia 117 W
Hou 141, Den 118 L
Sac 95, Den 109 W
NY 119, Den 100 L
Den 128, Mia 117 W
Hou 141, Den 118 L 15 (20)Rating 15 Childhood Reference: The Overpowered Build in a Create-A-Player Video Game. Toronto is the kid who maxed out all the wrong stats — 99 three-point shooting AND 99 strength, because why not? Karl-Anthony Towns is basically the glitch character dominating against kids still using defaults. The Raptors look unstoppable for moments… and hilariously chaotic for others. Expect tinkering and adjustments to be made to bring Brunson's dominance, and the support from Hart and Andrew Wiggins. "I'm gonna make him 7'3 with elite 99 on hustle, stamina, vertical and intangibles! I will call him Chungus!"
Tor 102, SA 124 L
Tor 122, Phi 110 W
Atl 117, Tor 129 W
NY 116, Tor 102 L
Tor 102, SA 124 L
Tor 122, Phi 110 WAtl 117, Tor 129 W
NY 116, Tor 102 L
Tor 102, SA 124 L
Tor 122, Phi 110 W
Atl 117, Tor 129 W
NY 116, Tor 102 L 16 (9)Rating 14 Childhood Reference: The last kid picked, but he can actually hoop.
Everyone doubted him—but James Harden shows up with the stepbacks and suddenly, Utah is no joke. "What can he do!?" Don't make him mad! The Jazz are in snooze mode currently, but do not question their pedigree. They are a titan and have an impeccable roster. Untapped. Ready to hurt you - like that last kid picked! "Hey! Why didn't you pick him!?"
NO 94, Utah 117 W
Pho 114, Utah 118 W
Utah 93, LAL 127 L
Utah 88, Ind 108 L
NO 94, Utah 117 W
Pho 114, Utah 118 WUtah 93, LAL 127 L
Utah 88, Ind 108 L
NO 94, Utah 117 W
Pho 114, Utah 118 W
Utah 93, LAL 127 L
Utah 88, Ind 108 L 17 (13)Rating 13 Childhood Reference: The “No Rules†trampoline park.
Chaotic, fun, slightly dangerous. Ja Morant bounces everywhere, and nobody can predict the landing. Hornets are terrifying on paper. The line for admission is as large as the line for ER. This team has the chaos energy, and weaponery to hurt you like a bunch of trampoline springs to the shin. They'll bust your ankles, bruise you with size (Bam & Siakam). Expect the body count to rise!
Cha 84, Chi 118 L
Cha 116, Dal 106 W
Mia 103, Cha 112 W
Phi 119, Cha 102 L
Cha 84, Chi 118 L
Cha 116, Dal 106 WMia 103, Cha 112 W
Phi 119, Cha 102 L
Cha 84, Chi 118 L
Cha 116, Dal 106 W
Mia 103, Cha 112 W
Phi 119, Cha 102 L 18 (14)Rating 13 Childhood Reference: The Kid at the Arcade Who Treats Every Game Like the World Championship. Philadelphia is playing like that kid who walks into Timezone with zero smiles and full mission mode. You know the one — feet planted wide at the basketball arcade machine, headband on, sweating like it’s Game 7, refusing to leave until he shatters the high score. That’s Jimmy Butler powering the Sixers. He’s swiping his arcade card aggressively, yelling at the machine when a shot rims out, and staring down anyone who dares challenge his record - "Who's ASS? And how did he get such a high score?". Philly’s intensity is pure arcade warrior energy: loud, focused, slightly terrifying, and absolutely compelling to watch. 18th at the moment, but you know that kid will spend hours getting up the leaderboard, and they'll let you know about it!
SA 135, Phi 101 L
Tor 122, Phi 110 L
Phi 119, Cha 102 W
Phi 117, GS 110 W
SA 135, Phi 101 L
Tor 122, Phi 110 LPhi 119, Cha 102 W
Phi 117, GS 110 W
SA 135, Phi 101 L
Tor 122, Phi 110 L
Phi 119, Cha 102 W
Phi 117, GS 110 W 19 (10)Rating 12 Childhood Reference: Nerf sword kid. Detroit swings wildly, with Marcus Smart leading the charge like the kid who brought foam weapons to recess. Who knew tha the Pistons had all this going on!? You might think your weapon is good, but Detroit asked for the Nerf Doomsday Bunker starter pack - and they aren't messing around with their perimeter defence. "Where is he!?" - as you get hit in the forehead, dead centre.
Det 104, Bkn 83 W
Ind 99, Det 120 W
Dal 101, Det 75 L
Det 101, Mil 129 L
Chi 112, Det 85 L
Det 104, Bkn 83 W
Ind 99, Det 120 W
Dal 101, Det 75 LDet 101, Mil 129 L
Chi 112, Det 85 L
Det 104, Bkn 83 W
Ind 99, Det 120 W
Dal 101, Det 75 L
Det 101, Mil 129 L
Chi 112, Det 85 L 20 (7)Rating 10 Childhood Reference: Broken Action Man held together with tape
The team keeps it together with Jonas ValanÄiÅ«nas while Anthony Davis sits in the repair shop… again. He's been in the family since the 90s, and you just cannot part with him. He has seen it all and been thrown into a tea party with Barbie, a wrestling match with Mankind, and been shot down by green army soldiers. Does he get the necessary repairs in time?
Por 122, Min 81 L
Min 114, NO 106 W
Min 102, LAL 120 L
Min 106, Sac 102 W
Por 122, Min 81 L
Min 114, NO 106 WMin 102, LAL 120 L
Min 106, Sac 102 W
Por 122, Min 81 L
Min 114, NO 106 W
Min 102, LAL 120 L
Min 106, Sac 102 W 21 (17)Rating 8 Childhood Reference: The kid with the cool lunchbox but no food. Norman Powell looks the part, but with Tyler Herro injured, Sacramento’s missing the main course. It looks cool! But as others have their Dunkaroos, Yogos, and Roll-ups, the Kings are lucky to get an Apricot stick. Can we get this box replenished stat for GM Klemm!? We need some nourishment in Sacramento!
Sac 100, Mem 108 L
Sac 95, Den 109 L
Min 106, Sac 102 L
NO 93, Sac 109 W
Sac 100, Mem 108 L
Sac 95, Den 109 LMin 106, Sac 102 L
NO 93, Sac 109 W
Sac 100, Mem 108 L
Sac 95, Den 109 L
Min 106, Sac 102 L
NO 93, Sac 109 W 22 (16)Rating 7 Childhood Reference: The kid who forgot his homework… again. Atlanta showed up unprepared too often in Week 1. Desmond Bane tries to carry the group project but can’t do all the work, with Clingan throwing some ideas here and there. Did I miss the deadline, Miss? It would seem you did....again! Can they put it in the diary and stick to the due date in Week 2?
Atl 117, Tor 129 L
LAC 100, Atl 118 W
Mia 120, Atl 113 L
Atl 92, Orl 115 L
Atl 117, Tor 129 L
LAC 100, Atl 118 WMia 120, Atl 113 L
Atl 92, Orl 115 L
Atl 117, Tor 129 L
LAC 100, Atl 118 W
Mia 120, Atl 113 L
Atl 92, Orl 115 L 23 (25)Rating 7 Childhood Reference: “Insert 50c to continue†arcade machine. With Kyrie Irving out, Reed Sheppard is mashing buttons, hoping the machine gives him a chance. I can win if I have just one more life! This seems to be the motto for the Magic, with no Kyrie, they're running light on firepower. Maybe they need to get another player to go CO-OP mode? 'PLAYER 2 has entered the game!'
Orl 109, Cle 128 L
Bkn 118, Orl 111 L
Orl 104, Mil 118 L
Atl 92, Orl 115 W
Orl 109, Cle 128 L
Bkn 118, Orl 111 LOrl 104, Mil 118 L
Atl 92, Orl 115 W
Orl 109, Cle 128 L
Bkn 118, Orl 111 L
Orl 104, Mil 118 L
Atl 92, Orl 115 W 24 (28)Rating 5 Childhood Reference: Scooter kid who keeps hitting bumps. Injuries have them wobbling. Zach LaVine is pumping one leg furiously to keep the Razor scooter moving. We all knew that kid that would come to school with a cast, a busted lip, a head gash, on crutches, you name it, that's the Nets. This team has not been able to get it together, and Lavine and OG have been called upon to perform miracles. Maybe you should take a break, and see how you go!
Det 104, Bkn 83 L
Bkn 118, Orl 111 W
GS 123, Bkn 113 L
Mem 110, Bkn 103 L
Det 104, Bkn 83 L
Bkn 118, Orl 111 WGS 123, Bkn 113 L
Mem 110, Bkn 103 L
Det 104, Bkn 83 L
Bkn 118, Orl 111 W
GS 123, Bkn 113 L
Mem 110, Bkn 103 L 25 (11)Rating 5 Childhood Reference: The kid who had a Game Boy but no batteries. With Luka Doncic injured, Miles Bridges is trying to power it manually. It’s… not the same. Did you save the game!? Progress lost. That terrible feeling, as you make your way to the furtherest part you have, and then it dies on you. Don't expect this Pelicans outfit to stay here! They will be back with a vengenace and remember the memory card, and make the necessary space! "How many mb goes it need!?"
NO 94, Utah 117 L
Min 114, NO 106 L
Por 105, NO 107 W
NO 93, Sac 109 L
NO 94, Utah 117 L
Min 114, NO 106 LPor 105, NO 107 W
NO 93, Sac 109 L
NO 94, Utah 117 L
Min 114, NO 106 L
Por 105, NO 107 W
NO 93, Sac 109 L 26 (29)Rating 3 Childhood Reference: The Jenga Tower That’s Somehow Still Standing. Every move feels like disaster is seconds away, but somehow the tower doesn’t fall. Paolo Banchero is the kid carefully nudging pieces out, doing his best to stop the collapse while everyone around him yells, panics, and points fingers. The Clippers are one shaky hand away from greatness… or total structural failure. With all the moving parts to be a collosus in the league, the Clippers have started how they left 24-25. With JDub waiting to enter, the Clippers have a golden chance to be a big-game team in the NSL.
Bos 127, LAC 119 L
LAC 100, Atl 118 L
LAC 119, Was 116 W
Mia 107, LAC 85 L
Bos 127, LAC 119 L
LAC 100, Atl 118 LLAC 119, Was 116 W
Mia 107, LAC 85 L
Bos 127, LAC 119 L
LAC 100, Atl 118 L
LAC 119, Was 116 W
Mia 107, LAC 85 L 27 (24)Rating 2 Childhood Reference: The kid with the science fair volcano that didn’t erupt. They tried. They tried REALLY hard. Alperen Şengün is stirring the mixture while Jayson Tatum is out, but the baking soda is missing. Their science fair seemed a failed attempt from the beginning. The Celtics just couldn't make it erupt in Week 1 - but did we expect take off... Sengun and Kuminga could make some rumbles, not without trying, we wait and observe, this is a D+ entry sadly.
Bos 127, LAC 119 W
Bos 93, OKC 127 L
Mil 142, Bos 117 L
Bos 119, Cle 126 L
Bos 127, LAC 119 W
Bos 93, OKC 127 LMil 142, Bos 117 L
Bos 119, Cle 126 L
Bos 127, LAC 119 W
Bos 93, OKC 127 L
Mil 142, Bos 117 L
Bos 119, Cle 126 L 28 (18)Rating 1 Childhood Reference: The kid who always wanted a rematch. Nickeil Alexander-Walker keeps saying “Run it back!†while injured Jordan Poole watches from the bench. The Warriors want to try and try again. With the vision of refinement and an ambition to bring brighter days to a lowly past, GM Daz wants to try again at all costs. Week 2 might be another team altogether! Who knows!? "One more game! I'll get you this time!" One day, that kid wins. And you will be hearing about it, and potentially have the script flipped.
GS 85, NY 114 L
GS 123, Bkn 113 W
Phi 117, GS 110 L
LAL 127, GS 80 L
GS 85, NY 114 L
GS 123, Bkn 113 WPhi 117, GS 110 L
LAL 127, GS 80 L
GS 85, NY 114 L
GS 123, Bkn 113 W
Phi 117, GS 110 L
LAL 127, GS 80 L 29 (23)Rating -5 Childhood Reference: The Hungry Hungry Hippo who never gets any marbles.
The board shakes, the pieces fly, but Devin Vassell just isn’t catching any breaks. Nor are the Suns organisation in Week 1. A rough start for the organisation in season 25-26, the Suns couldn't get anything going. Is it the broken neck mechanism on the Hippo? Is it a slant? Is it luck? Is it the roster? All the questions that GM Laddas desperately wants answers to!
Pho 92, Mil 120 L
Pho 114, Utah 118 L
Cle 140, Pho 114 L
Hou 124, Pho 121 L
Pho 92, Mil 120 L
Pho 114, Utah 118 LCle 140, Pho 114 L
Hou 124, Pho 121 L
Pho 92, Mil 120 L
Pho 114, Utah 118 L
Cle 140, Pho 114 L
Hou 124, Pho 121 L 30 (3)Rating -5 Childhood Reference: The “Respawn With Nothing†Moment in a Video Game. Washington feels like starting a new save file by accident — no weapons, no items, and a boss fight immediately in front of you. Devin Booker is swinging a wooden stick while everyone else has diamond gear. With LeBron injured, it’s like your strongest character is stuck on the loading screen. "But I just won the championship..." Don't expect this to last long, Washington will work through the games, acquire the necessary mana and HP, and they'll be back at the top before you know it! But for now, they start from scratch... *throws controller*
Mem 130, Was 115 L
Was 114, OKC 122 L
Cle 131, Was 96 L
Was 121, Chi 122 L
LAC 119, Was 116 L
Mem 130, Was 115 L
Was 114, OKC 122 L
Cle 131, Was 96 LWas 121, Chi 122 L
LAC 119, Was 116 L
Mem 130, Was 115 L
Was 114, OKC 122 L
Cle 131, Was 96 L
Was 121, Chi 122 L
LAC 119, Was 116 L 
NBA SIMS LEAGUE
Gameboy with no batteries too relatable. Those suckers used to take 4-6 AAs and you’d churn through them
Fantastic write up! We also might be down a controller if we keep losing these close games haha
Love it