DALLAS vs PORTLAND: "The Wolf and the Weasel..." 

 

"The Wolf is the Apex predator. The unquestioned and unrivalled Alpha within it's domain. A merciless hunter, cold and ruthless with it's decision making."

 

 

To put it in as few a words as possible, when summing up the 20-21 seasons efforts by the Trailblazers; Unbridled, relentless domination... 

 

Which is not at all an attempt to describe the careful, meticulous moves made by front office, nor their consistent ability to produce true contending rosters and winning basketball  culture or even referencing the placid demeanour and absolute class act that is Jmac on the Discord chat... 

 

No. No, no... What I'M talking about is the shear force and clinical chaos this team subjects it's opponents to on the hard court on any given night. You have to agree, It's pretty swell, isn't it (You don't need to answer that). 

 

 

I find myself some nights awake drenched in sweat, reminiscing about the still very vivid and haunting memories I have burnt into my skull. To be so lucky to have witnessed first hand the stepping on of the collective neck of us all, balls deep into the 19-20' post season of the NSL's inaugural year. The excitement of seeing one such force throw down the gauntlet boasting a near perfect 66 win record and  then predictably going on to win the championship... Amazing. T'was a fete that almost at the time, seemed to be one that would go unmatched for a long, long time. To our surprise and glee, we saw the Portland Trailblazers double down... Re up (thanks PJ you ghost ship fuck) with ruthless probie pillaging that in turn gave us a prelude into this seasons bloodbath. Bliss. 

 

-Must be nice...

 

Only then to best last season by another TWELVE!! Fuckn' wins is just straight up ludicrous...  If I hadn't of seen it for myself, as I sit here shaking my head in dismay, I would've refused to believe the premise was even within the realms of possibility just out of principle alone.

 

*For reference; Two teams this season finished the year with the same amount of total wins (12).

 

The Blazers lost once in the first 13 weeks of the season. You heard me, ONCE in the first 52 fucking games... Falling to an almost fully healthy Denver squad who to their credit, is currently giving another Western powerhouse a run for their money in the first round. "How?" do you ask? Well to abruptly crush your fleeting moment of delight and what little hope you had left as we relish in that said loss... It was of course a loss suffered without 2 of their 3 All NBA/First ballot HOF level talents in Westbrook and Harden. Thus opening the flood gates as they then promptly avenged said outlying loss for 12 weeks straight as they rattled off 49 wins in a row, dismantling anyone who comes close to mattering a damn in this league. No one was safe as they averaged 124.33 PPG and sported a tidy average win margin of +32.29... Almost double, or even in most cases triple the difference of any other play off team in the league with the exception of the Spurs and Pistons.

 

*For context you didn't need or want; The 54 win Washington Wizards had only 15 of their win margins equal or exceed the Blazers Season Av.

 

They held opposing teams to a shade over 92 points a game which among many other things, fuelled their insane 40-1 road record and 38-3 record against +.500 teams. Only 5 of their 78 wins were decided by single digits. 16 of their 20 weeks concluded in 4-0/5-0 including 8 of those resulting in perfect weeks against an Av.Opp strength of .500%+. 12x 50+pt blow out wins against a number of teams including 4 of those said occasions eclipsing 70+pts... They even came within single digits of dropping a 3 figure point loss not once, but TWICE!... You know, just in an effort to furthermore throw some of that preverbal gasoline on the still raging fire that's engulfed any championship aspirations you might've had...

 

"Where else exactly are the Portland Trailblazers far superior to my team in every way Smooth K?" Well, I'm glad you asked...

 

They're ranked first overall on Offence, Defence and Rebounding. They Led the league in FGM/OffReb/STL's/PIP/SCP/FBP/BEP/PPG/OEff/DEff/EFG%/REB%/OppTO/OppPIP/OppFBP/OppSCP/OppAST/OppSTL/OppBLK/OppREB/OppFG%/Opp3pt%... BUUUT here's the kicker, they're ranked a pathetic 2nd in TO's, 3rd in APG and 4th in FG%, 3pt% and BPG... Almost inexplicably, and I'm putting it "generously" (In an effort not to anger the harbinger of death) when I say they're far worse then league average when it comes to both FTM and FT%. In addition they rank around league average when it comes to pace (Is that bad? Cuz' I'm counting it anyways Idgaf... Slow ass plebs) and they tend to be a bit "grab-assy" on defence being among the league leaders in Fouls committed... Which can all be pretty easily explained in it's entirety as getting chalked up to the simple fact; That Probably a good third of their games were run out on the Reg' with their third stringers (with the majority of them easily getting a starting gig on my team with zero complaints from me), without fail from about the 7 min mark in the 3rd if you managed to even make it that far... So in conclusion, none of this I'm sure, should offer any comfort to you whatsoever. Rolling on.

 

I've said countless times how much I low key hate writing novels about J-macs continued success which conveniently always tends to come at my expense in some shape, form or context... Yet here we are wading through another depressingly glorious J-mac suck fest, that makes me sick to my stomach to even be associated with in the slightest, let alone the one with pen to paper on his knees...

 

I Wish I had good news for you here folks, sorry... All the hilarious, poorly constructed anecdotes, complaints about blow outs not blowing out to his liking and high pitched whining aside, J-mac's Blazers seem untouchable at the moment... Even without Kawhi... I've already come to terms with it myself and I suggest it's best you make arrangements as well. Ring your estranged mother/father and tell em' you love em... Finally tell that asshole boss of yours to go fuck himself, with a finger in the air as you boot that prick from accounting square in the face on the way out... Go on, kiss that cute girl at the juice stand you're always to shy to talk to (with her consent of course)... Perhaps take the time to see the sun set once more... Because Judgement day is upon us my friends and Portland is the one true equaliser. I only just managed to smooth talk my way into getting a seat myself on the J-mac D-Day express train: stopping all stations. All you plebs can burn in fire and Plebstone for all I care, as I for one welcome our new Trail Blazing overlord.

 

 

"The Weasel is unassuming and conniving. Faceless, working within the shadows. Playful by nature but cutthroat when cornered, no one else matters. Survival is to win at all costs."

 

 

I pride myself on my ability to provide well thought out takes and opinions. Always backed by hours of research and analysis whilst ensuring I strictly communicated them only at a time not to be motivated by any subjective bias. It is because of my iron clad integrity and steely resolve that I'm able to properly break down this round 2 match up from both sides despite mine and LJ's differences.

 

In all honesty he has achieved something I never have; Somehow trading the same player 17 times in the same season whilst still also retaining him at the same time. It's Houdini shit straight up and it blows my mind. Some may get caught up in the specifics of how it can be "technically" classified as a trade when no actual transaction was made... But as far as LJ is concerned, he's wheelin' n dealn' way too fast to bother with such silly things like unabbreviated names and honouring your word without any signed legaly binding contracts, racking up negative GM pt balances or having to adhere to those pesky "Salary guidelines".

 

....Riiiiight.

 

He's a Maverick in every sense of the word. Guns blazzn' and name takn' we never know what todays got in store for us when the artist formally known as Javi awakes from the haze of LJ induced escapades.

 

All jokes aside for just a moment you have to give the guy some credit in his ability to keep winning games consistently, despite the myriad of players who have come in through those swinging doors. Regardless of the fact they continued to suffer from Key injuries all season to the likes of KD, Oubre, Dipo and Zinger, who collectively missed 117 games total, the Mavs have managed to punch out 54 wins good for home court advantage out West. They handed last years MVP in Giannis and his Clips, who were just one win shy of them in the regular season, the gentlemen's treatment. Boasting an impressive 4-1 outcome to the first round. Many picked the Mavs to win but very few did so in the fashion they displayed, averaging 126.2 PPG on the series, way up considerably when compared to their regular season mark of 114.63PPG.

 

The Mavs had the 9th ranked offence in the league with a shade above an average score on the other end coming in at 14th. They also ranked 2nd in FT%/5th in TO and FBP/6th in APG and BPG/8th in FG% and PPG/7th in 3ptFGM. The troublesome part for me or if you're the type who bleeds blue and white, is that every area the Blazers are ether "weakest" in, (if i can use the word in a way that is almost in no way accurate) or on the flip side is an area of strength; Unfortunately are a lot of the same areas the Mavs have struggled with all season. So much so it's gotten to the point of rubbing shoulders with the lowly lottery teams, who actually want none of that J-mac/winning life at all.... Yep, it's that kind of level of sucky. It just compounded the issues they will face and almost completely eliminates any margin for error as the Mavs downfalls marry up quite nicely for the Blazers in being aspects of the game that they froth over as they bath in the blood of the innocent. 

 

As the well known saying goes "To beat a dead Texan"... I take no joy at all in informing you that the Mavs have the 29th worst bench in terms of scoring opposed to Portlands league leading elite depth, they ranked 23rd in bench points allowed... Rank 21st in SCP Allowed and 22nd in Opponent Offensive Reb, Yet another area Portland feast on... The list goes on, 17th in total Rebounds allowed and yep you guessed it. Portland got that locked tf up too... Lastly they rank 18 in Oppoment FTM and 25th in 3ptFG allowed... The only Two areas that if you had to pick on anything regarding the Blazers; It would be a limp wristed stab at them dominating SO much in the paint that they tend to neglect the 3 ball and easy points from the line. They definitely don't need any other excuses or ways to exploit us a whole lot more... But shit why not, may as well give them that to. 

 

Doom and gloom aside what I'm trying to say is the Mavs are fucked... Proper fucked and I don't care if this is before, during or after "Zee German" comes... Back with nifty souvenirs for the Bois from his latest weekend long trade get-a-way. 

 

At the very least It seems like the Mavs have well and truly discovered their identity being a transition offence driven team with elite perimeter scoring, who takes care of the ball with minimal mistakes. While on the other end able to defend the paint as well as any of the most elite teams in the league. They've taken this and doubled down hard upping their output across the board and out of all the teams out West not named the Spurs they hold a legit threat to stopping Portland's back to back dreams coming to fruition... A game or two longer then they expected.

 

"Do'ya lyke Daggs?!"

 

The tale of the tape...

 

In the front court:

 

Zinger Box and "The Snake" vs Superman lite and "The Cauley-Stein Frankenstein"

 

Glitch city vs Easy money and the Z. KD comes in with hefty averages of 39.8/9.4/3.2/1/1.2 in just 31 minutes after dispatching the Clippers with ease. The Latvian dream playing his role dropping a tasty double double whilst erasing almost 4 shots a game at the rim. Can the Mavs get more from Zinger more akin to the numbers we saw last season which gave the Blazers so much trouble in the first round? With their style of play this season I doubt it but to be honest they don't need that from him if it means a 40/10 masterclass by KD as he gets it done on both ends... Portland relies on a steady but elite front court rotation with Kanter, Gasol and Taj filling in the ranks but without the option of throwing the Claw on KD in any given match up a betting man would put his house on KD continuing to melt opposing 4 men with ease. 

 

 

Aaaaand in the back court:

 

Ninja Turtle and Thiccboi vs Mini Drake and Dennis "It's pronounced Schrooduur" Schroder. 

 

No one likes Drake anyways, there. I fuckn said it. That and I can't take anyone seriously with a name like "Dennis". So this ones a wash straight up. Russ and the fat boy averaged almost 70 PPG combined against the Rockets and assisted on the other 30+ odd points to go along with it. With round one averages of 25/2.6/6.8/1.4 Schroder is essentially the Mavs only legitimate second option outside of KD and if Portland can limit him in any way it's curtains son.

 

 -"Jimmy G KFC Buckets"... The G stands for gets!

 

X FACTORS!:

 

-Does Kawhi come back?... I highly doubt it but LJ would be praying on anything and everying he finds sacred, for the continued status of Kawhi not having a fully fictional ACL that he still annoyingly persists not to acknowledge or shed any light on at all. What a fun guy.

 

 

-Does Portland go small?... There's no reason right now that I can see Portland feeling the need to rush into major adjustments going small especially with Kawhi out let alone it moving away from the true calling card all season long playing big. I would be interested to see if J mac has any any whacky aces up his sleeve though... 

 

-KD to stay at the four?... I mean, the dude can play where ever tf he wants. But I could see Dallas, in an attempt to make ground on the disparity to clean up the glass and get second chance opportunities, playing Birch at the 4 sliding KD down to the 2 or 3... That's Glitch territory If I ever seen it. 

 

-Dennis more of a menace off ball?... With this reference I'm More then happy to liken grump, old Mr. Wilson to resemble a stubborn set in his ways Jmac who just thinks he's better then everyone. Anyways, In some line ups/match ups I think Schroder at point has a shelf life and in an attempt at a more versatile offence, it might the Mavs to switch it up with their two guards.

 

 

Smooth K lay's it all out...

 

LJ and his Mavs will put up some points and it'll be a shoot out all series long as I cant see any team scoring less then 110 if it goes the distance. You can't put much stock into the regular season results given the obvious outs here and there but more so factoring in the  ability for a lot of the veteran GM's in this league, Jmac and LJ included, being able to just kick it up a couple gears when the time comes.

 

I would've loved to of seen Dipo out there for the Mavs to make things interesting and as much as i could say the same for Kawhi doing the same I feel we'd all much rather see the slow, drawn out bludgeoning to death of Dallas so we can have a bit of fun with it... Opposed to the more likely vicious feeding frenzy type scenario. We all know how that story goes.... 

 

If I had it my way then I'd 100% jack it hard to the high pitched whine of Jmac, possibly reaching a register I never thought humanly possible; Which could only be as a result of the classic Jmac freak out after losing game 1 and/or 2. Just to watch him squirm a little and wonder for just a second where it all went wrong... Until he remembers he has 3 legit MVP candidates on his roster. Eventually I can live vicariously through all of his success with no shame at all, as they snatch the soul from the Mavs. It would only seem right that way. It's what Kobe would've wanted. 

 

 

Suns in fo...

 

I mean... Portland fa show.