NSL Insider - Premium: Best Names

by jmac, updated on Friday, March 14 2025, 10:37 pm EST

Oh, But What’s in A Name?

Let’s take a look at the lighter side of NSL Life!

“A (Derrick) Rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
- William Shakespeare

Does a name maketh the man (person), or do people grow into their name and make it what it is? According to William S., it was about the substance of the experience, not the name of it.

Here, today, I will be having a subjective take (with some thought and evaluation) on the top ten best/greatest/most exciting/strongest/fun names across the entire NSL player population.

The evaluation will consider the look of the name on paper, the sound it makes when spoken, what kind of person the name makes you think of and any other features of the name that are relevant and add to the value.

In no particular order, here are the TOP NAMES of the NSL:

Johnny Juzang

Yes, he is on the Portland roster. And like all our team’s players, he is a fan favourite. It might seem spicy but stay with me - there is a chance that Mr Johnny Juzang has the coolest name on this list.

Johnny Juzang has multiple factors that put it in contention for the greatest name in the NSL:

Looks like…	It is perfectly balanced (six letters in each name – you can almost place the names over each other, and they fit into the same silhouette), has alliteration (J) and ends with an energetic ringing ‘ng’ sound.
Sounds like…	Short vowels mean this name races out of your mouth with gusto. Effective whispered, effective shouted. Versatile pronunciation.
Reminds you of…	The superhero alter-ego that isn’t as subtle as say, Clark Kent. Johnny Juzang is an unassuming guy that you know has something special about him. Then, he disappears, and a superhero shows up.
Marketability	Explodes off the tongue, fun to say, efficient. It could be a phrase a magician uses. Or the name of an action hero. Johnny is safe, Juzang is dangerous. There is endless marketability for Johnny.

LeBron James

What can’t the King do? One of the most famous names in the world and likely of all sports when they look back on the history of the major sporting competitions. One of the names that has blossomed through the achievements of its owner.

Looks like…	A name that is heavy, powerful, armoured. It looks regal, but with a modern twist. The double capital in the first name screams importance.
Sounds like…	It sounds like the champion of the world. ‘Le’ is softly spoken and lightly entered into, ‘Bron’ is blunt but efficient – both first syllables of the name benefit from short vowels, so the pronunciation is very punchy and powerful. Then, the long ‘a’ sound in James is best screamed out with the note held for extra long.
Reminds you of…	A knight, a valiant warrior. A prestigious leader. It hits way heavier than Johnny Juzang; there is no doubt that even if you don’t know this person, he is a someone.
Marketability	This one speaks for itself – two decades and he is still one of the most marketable stars in the world. LeBron James has sizzle and surprise, introducing the world to a new name in ‘LeBron’.

Bol Bol

Double the name, double the fun! The polarising ‘is he or isn’t he a glitch Lord’ figure Bol Bol, is a true contender on this list.

Looks like…	Something exotic. Looks like a warrior’s name. Or a chief. Alliteration and symmetry/repetition of the names, a chance this scores more points than Johnny at the judges table for this category.
Sounds like…	Something exotic. Like a flower, or an ancient weapon. Just two syllables but strong ‘b’ and ‘l’ sounds to bookend the short ‘o’ sound, it’s like two jab punches. Tricky to say five times in a row, quickly.
Reminds you of…	Ball, sports, or a bass-y rhythm. Someone who is brave and wise.
Marketability	People love repetition and would eat up the chance to double the fun of Bol’s first name. Doesn’t have the breadth of connections or marketing possibilities as the previous two names but is more of challenge to say.

Kel’el Ware

Looks like…	A rapper’s/performers name, no disrespect intended. It gives me such cool vibes, like Kid Cudi. Like if I saw this name, I would instantly think they were a cool person.
Sounds like…	A famous rapper to be. It is a bit more subtle, softer, nuanced than the typical NBA name; intriguing. Double ‘el’ sounds in the first name is fun for the brain and voice to work out, and a strong ‘K’ sound to start builds momentum. Another name with the short double vowels in the first name, long vowel in the last. Contrast.
Reminds you of…	A rapper. Yep. I can’t escape it. Oh, and he was NAMED AFTER SUPERMAN!
Marketability	Modern, unique, links to the lore of Superman. Easy to say. Varying sounds. Massive, broad appeal.

Haywood Highsmith

Looks like…	Similar to Johnny Juzang, the alliteration and the similar balance of the words in terms of length is a visual treat. Both names have two long syllables in them and as you say the name, you almost say four names/words (go on, try it – hay/wood high/smith. Unlike Bol Bol, this name lingers and takes up camp during the pronunciation.
Sounds like…	A chant… HAY/WOOD, HIGH/SMITH. This one takes so much longer to say because most of the vowels are long vowels.
Reminds you of…	A former president. Or a famous inventor from the early 20^th century.
Marketability	Not sexy, but sounds like a classic brand with longevity that you could trust, that maybe designs watches or upmarket suits.

Gradey Dick

Looks like…	The name of a comic relief character in a movie that everyone might make fun of or that is so self-aware they are the comic relief they just ham it up. Gradey looks like a strong name on paper but doesn’t sound as strong. Dick stands up as a timeless, classic name of eras past.
Sounds like…	You have just said something that is rude and it feels good to live dangerously. Gradey is such a safe and nerdy first name and has two long vowel sounds, so it takes a while to say… and then, you just get slammed with the Dick at the end and you aren’t sure how to handle it.
Reminds you of…	Parents who were very proud of their surname, and damn society for thinking it wasn’t strong and proud and not at all comical!
Marketability	Would really play to the adult crowd, having Dick as a surname and being able to swear and be vulgar and clever with marketing and being able to say ‘hey, it’s just his name.’

		Comments (8)
jmac 03/16 04:36 pm	Boo Buie was an honorable mention
Vitticus 03/16 04:13 pm	Some guys that didn't make NBA but were in Summer League or G League were Scoochie Smith and Frankie Ferrari
jmac 03/16 04:20 am	Haha Or cricket. "Bolling, Shane."
laddas 03/15 11:06 pm	Bol just reminds me of a bowl of spaghetti haha
Nels 03/15 10:00 pm	Haha premium content
jmac 03/15 04:12 pm	Agree re: Superman, but he was still named after (inspired) by it.
ljmaverick 03/15 03:56 pm	Love this! But Superman is Kal El
Joshua 03/15 07:32 am	Enjoyed this one. Something a bit different and well written as always

NSL Insider - Premium: Best Names

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